WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK WEEDS?

i know i'm a day late on this one but seriously...

WHAT THE  SHIT JUST HAPPENED!!???

alexis

this is my roommate from my freshman and sophomore years at college, alexis. she is easily the most vapid yet most interesting young woman i have ever met. she is clumsy, heavily medicated, surprisingly wise, an idiot savant, stupid funny, and the best worst drunk bitch. i have grown to love her over the past two years but it hasn’t always been a day at the fucking beach. i thought she was inconsiderate, stupid, and immature our whole first semester of college. (hey, you would have felt the same way if you woke up to her having sex at 4am when you had an 8am final.) however, she taught me the single most important lesson i could have learned in college; accept other people as who they are even if you don’t agree with or like it very much. by doing so i have gained a best friend that i will cherish forever.

fall premieres

i'm not going to bore you with my many thoughts about this week's premieres so i'll just give you bullet points of my favorite shows. enjoy, boners.

new girl: so fucking adorable. i love me a good lotr reference.

up all night: exactly the kind of parent i want to be.

always sunny: "tighter than dick skin" is my new favorite thing to say.

archer: i still want to be his main squeeze.

rachel zoe: mandana is a poor replacement for taylor.

how i met your mother: holyshitholyshitholyshit. victoria is back bitches.

modern family: “just so you guys know there is a fan in my cabin that sounds like a man crying.” i love that lily talks now

parks & reac: i’m scared of tammy 1.

that's it for now but i CAN'T FUCKING WAIT for 30 rock. my girl liz lemon best be getting straaaange this season.

who wants to get me a little something?

so i got a new macbook pro and i’m completely obsessed with it. the only problem is that i’m always super scared of owning new things. i’m afraid that i’m going to drop it or touch it the wrong way or accidentally spill skinny vanilla latte all over the keyboard and break it forever. buuut, for right now i’m trying to ignore my crippling fear and enjoy pressing all the new fancy buttons.

my life cycle

become so stressed out about my life that i start screaming at people for no reason, binge drink until i make a terrible decision, have a hangover induced epiphany that i have to change my life, realize that i am too baller to change.

so long beautiful

my week has been filled with finales and premieres and let me tell you, did not one disappoint. but for now we are going to focus on the goodbyes i had to say this weekend.

i must start with my one and only. the one that i have loved most dearly for the past eight years; entourage. my relationship with entourage has been like most long term relationships, you want to ripe their face off at times but they are the one you want taking care of you when you are sick or sitting with you when you are just bored as fuck. i remember i was on vacation with my family in aruba when i snuck up to my hotel room while everyone was still enjoying the salty sea breeze or some shit and watched the series premiere. i wasn't allowed to watch hbo at the ripe old age of 12 so i had to sneak into my half-finished basement to watch it every sunday night for three years or my mom would have cut my balls off. but, like all unhealthy relationships, ours too had to end. they made me laugh for eight years but now that it's all over all i can think about is how mrs. ari's name is melissa and how perfectly it fits.

true blood is a whole different fucking story. they have been mind fucking me left and right for four years now and even though i have read the books (refrain from commenting on my nerdiness if you value your life) and know that sookie kills debbie. i can not fucking believe they could possibly even think about killing off my main bitch tara. alan ball and i need to have a serious chat.

this makes me happy

it took me half the day, but this fishtail braid looks DOPE.

all day, everyday

if you know me you know i go batshit crazy for HBO's 24/7. right now it is all about the lead up to ortiz vs mayweather. however, even though ortiz has a very touching story, what with both his parents abandoning him and barely making it by his whole life. i can't help but be loving on mayweather's swagger. kid talks shit for DaYZz and i fucking love it. like, he's best friends with 50 and storms out of interviews. i'm in love.

usually i hate when guys have a bigger ego than me but floyd is something else. his record is mind blowing and he is baller as fuck. i'm thoroughly into him and what he's all about.

apparently i think this is an appropriate way to go out in public.