alexis

this is my roommate from my freshman and sophomore years at college, alexis. she is easily the most vapid yet most interesting young woman i have ever met. she is clumsy, heavily medicated, surprisingly wise, an idiot savant, stupid funny, and the best worst drunk bitch. i have grown to love her over the past two years but it hasn’t always been a day at the fucking beach. i thought she was inconsiderate, stupid, and immature our whole first semester of college. (hey, you would have felt the same way if you woke up to her having sex at 4am when you had an 8am final.) however, she taught me the single most important lesson i could have learned in college; accept other people as who they are even if you don’t agree with or like it very much. by doing so i have gained a best friend that i will cherish forever.

my life cycle

become so stressed out about my life that i start screaming at people for no reason, binge drink until i make a terrible decision, have a hangover induced epiphany that i have to change my life, realize that i am too baller to change.

so long beautiful

my week has been filled with finales and premieres and let me tell you, did not one disappoint. but for now we are going to focus on the goodbyes i had to say this weekend.

i must start with my one and only. the one that i have loved most dearly for the past eight years; entourage. my relationship with entourage has been like most long term relationships, you want to ripe their face off at times but they are the one you want taking care of you when you are sick or sitting with you when you are just bored as fuck. i remember i was on vacation with my family in aruba when i snuck up to my hotel room while everyone was still enjoying the salty sea breeze or some shit and watched the series premiere. i wasn't allowed to watch hbo at the ripe old age of 12 so i had to sneak into my half-finished basement to watch it every sunday night for three years or my mom would have cut my balls off. but, like all unhealthy relationships, ours too had to end. they made me laugh for eight years but now that it's all over all i can think about is how mrs. ari's name is melissa and how perfectly it fits.

true blood is a whole different fucking story. they have been mind fucking me left and right for four years now and even though i have read the books (refrain from commenting on my nerdiness if you value your life) and know that sookie kills debbie. i can not fucking believe they could possibly even think about killing off my main bitch tara. alan ball and i need to have a serious chat.

because you never know when you might accidentally murder someone

guys! i saw the coolest/cutest kid today at work. he wore chucks and said things like "your shirt is fly." like, honestly i was about two shakes of a lambs tail away from stealing him from his parents. this is a big deal for me because i strongly dislike children. what most people don't know though is that at the root of my hatred is a very real fear that i'm going to accidentally kill one of them. i don't mean this in a "i'm going to lose my temper and press on their soft spot" type way. i mean it in the "i'm afraid i'm going to be standing behind one of them on the T landing, slip on a puddle of some homeless guy's piss, have my legs go out from under me and as i fall i kick it on the back of the head and send it flying onto the T tracks" way. i'm aware that this will probably NEVER FUCKING HAPPEN. but, i also never thought i would see michael jordan while on vacation in aruba. moral of the story is you never know what might happen so STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM KIDS and that kid was fucking cute.

like crazy

the trailer for anton yelchin's new movie "Like Crazy" pulls at the few strings connected to my cold dead heart. not only because he is sexy as fuck but because it is the story of a young college couple who fall in luuurve with each other only to be ripped apart by that damn immigration department. ugh, they are the fucking worst. but seriously this shit makes me real sad. not only for the obvious reasons but because i personally know how painful long distance relationships are and it upsets me to see anton suffer as i have. now clearly i am going to see this movie, compare it to my own experience and conclude that mine was worse even though these two are separated by an ocean and mine was only a state line. yet still, no one has suffered quite as badly as i have. also, that cover of fools rush in makes my heart hurt. that is all.