the bitch at the froyo place said she recognized my name from my card and when i said, "well it was clearly because i did something awesome." (because lets be honest, it DEFINITELY was) she was all, "i mean...i guess. if thats what you want to think."

what the what?!? SHE sassed ME? what has the world come to? but if she recognized me because of this blog, she clearly has good taste and i am officially famous. so you can all suck it.

i was hungover for about 12 hours yesterday and my mother told me it was my own fault because i'm allergic to gluten and i drank about half a ton of beer. i told her to go fuck herself.

my winter break has consisted of:

-being woken up by my mother screaming at my father/cable company/internet provider/her mother for something they "spitefully" did to her.
-laying in my bed.
-complaining about my elbow.
-getting out of obligations by saying i'm too fucked up off my pain medication to leave my bed.
-getting a hair cut the first week of break and complaining about it the rest of break.
-not showering regularly.
-being really proud of myself and expecting praise from everyone i know after i shower.
-waking up at 5am every other day and having a panic attack about how i need to update my resume.
-not updating my resume.
-watching the first six seasons of the west wing for the 2749347th time.
-going gluten free.
-telling anyone with ears about how hard it is to go gluten free.
-eating gluten and groaning in my bed for two hours.
-being social once a week and regretting it for the next five days.
-realizing i might just be too awkward to ever return to nyc ever again.

i need to go back to school.

not so unbreakable

i'm such a fucking joke. saturday night i was super classy and absurdly drunk at the annual winter formal (i looked great by the way, thanks for asking). it was honestly one of the best nights of the year but, one thing led to another and i woke up with a broken elbow. which fucking blows because it really wasn't an epic fall or story AT ALL  and it is my first broken bone. i always thought my first broken bone would be from getting too real with a polar bear or superman diving out a window. i'm still slightly confused about how i am such a fucking mess and still allowed to live.

but i must shout out to my girl big L for not only driving me to the er sunday morning, but picking up kfc on the way there, filling out all my paperwork, making me laugh for about two hours straight, dropping off my prescription at cvs, and putting my hair up whenever i ask her. she really is the greatest friend i could ever ask for. sorry for getting emotional but the vicodin is really doing a number on me.

i don't understand why i'm not seeing any pictures of dakota fanning anywhere these days. like, i NEED to see how she is dressing for fall/winter so i know what i should be wearing. i thought i would see at least a little something since a new twilight movie is coming out but i'm getting nada. i'm beyond pissed.

today i left a 300 person lecture because i was convinced that the girl who chooses to sit next to me every class would pick today as the day to follow me home, kill me, and wear me like a skin suit. the end.

i just bought an american tail on demand.

i've had about six separate cases of writers block in the past 20 hours. each of which came with it's own minor to moderate mental breakdown. so if you are looking to have any type of social interaction with me in the next 12 hours i would advise against it.

i'm currently sitting on my couch alone chugging pumpkin beer because i'm too lazy to stand up and get my cellphone to contact my roommates. this is where i'm at in my life.

alexis

this is my roommate from my freshman and sophomore years at college, alexis. she is easily the most vapid yet most interesting young woman i have ever met. she is clumsy, heavily medicated, surprisingly wise, an idiot savant, stupid funny, and the best worst drunk bitch. i have grown to love her over the past two years but it hasn’t always been a day at the fucking beach. i thought she was inconsiderate, stupid, and immature our whole first semester of college. (hey, you would have felt the same way if you woke up to her having sex at 4am when you had an 8am final.) however, she taught me the single most important lesson i could have learned in college; accept other people as who they are even if you don’t agree with or like it very much. by doing so i have gained a best friend that i will cherish forever.

so i got a new macbook pro and i’m completely obsessed with it. the only problem is that i’m always super scared of owning new things. i’m afraid that i’m going to drop it or touch it the wrong way or accidentally spill skinny vanilla latte all over the keyboard and break it forever. buuut, for right now i’m trying to ignore my crippling fear and enjoy pressing all the new fancy buttons.

my life cycle

become so stressed out about my life that i start screaming at people for no reason, binge drink until i make a terrible decision, have a hangover induced epiphany that i have to change my life, realize that i am too baller to change.

apparently i think this is an appropriate way to go out in public.

i just don't like change you guys

so my family has been calling me out for being a novice hoarder ever since i was ten and asked if i could put our old refrigerator in my room when we got a new one. i still think that would have been awesome because i would have then been able to enjoy ice cold beverages in the comfort of my own room. but, we are getting off topic.

my family had a huge yard sale last weekend and when i found out they were planning on selling my childhood bed frame i freaked the fuck out. like, i'm talking full on mental breakdown. i always thought that i would have that furniture and even though it seems stupid i was sad to see it go. i don't like change or letting go but i'm starting to learn that it might be a big part of growing up/a pair.

but after they couldn't even pay someone to take it i decided that i was right and i'm never letting go of that bed. ever.