the bitch at the froyo place said she recognized my name from my card and when i said, "well it was clearly because i did something awesome." (because lets be honest, it DEFINITELY was) she was all, "i mean...i guess. if thats what you want to think."

what the what?!? SHE sassed ME? what has the world come to? but if she recognized me because of this blog, she clearly has good taste and i am officially famous. so you can all suck it.

i was hungover for about 12 hours yesterday and my mother told me it was my own fault because i'm allergic to gluten and i drank about half a ton of beer. i told her to go fuck herself.

my winter break has consisted of:

-being woken up by my mother screaming at my father/cable company/internet provider/her mother for something they "spitefully" did to her.
-laying in my bed.
-complaining about my elbow.
-getting out of obligations by saying i'm too fucked up off my pain medication to leave my bed.
-getting a hair cut the first week of break and complaining about it the rest of break.
-not showering regularly.
-being really proud of myself and expecting praise from everyone i know after i shower.
-waking up at 5am every other day and having a panic attack about how i need to update my resume.
-not updating my resume.
-watching the first six seasons of the west wing for the 2749347th time.
-going gluten free.
-telling anyone with ears about how hard it is to go gluten free.
-eating gluten and groaning in my bed for two hours.
-being social once a week and regretting it for the next five days.
-realizing i might just be too awkward to ever return to nyc ever again.

i need to go back to school.

not so unbreakable

i'm such a fucking joke. saturday night i was super classy and absurdly drunk at the annual winter formal (i looked great by the way, thanks for asking). it was honestly one of the best nights of the year but, one thing led to another and i woke up with a broken elbow. which fucking blows because it really wasn't an epic fall or story AT ALL  and it is my first broken bone. i always thought my first broken bone would be from getting too real with a polar bear or superman diving out a window. i'm still slightly confused about how i am such a fucking mess and still allowed to live.

but i must shout out to my girl big L for not only driving me to the er sunday morning, but picking up kfc on the way there, filling out all my paperwork, making me laugh for about two hours straight, dropping off my prescription at cvs, and putting my hair up whenever i ask her. she really is the greatest friend i could ever ask for. sorry for getting emotional but the vicodin is really doing a number on me.

i don't understand why i'm not seeing any pictures of dakota fanning anywhere these days. like, i NEED to see how she is dressing for fall/winter so i know what i should be wearing. i thought i would see at least a little something since a new twilight movie is coming out but i'm getting nada. i'm beyond pissed.

so i’m probably the coolest human being alive about 85% of the time but tonight the other 15% is taking over. i’ve had a rough time at life the past five days, due to the fact that i lived without power, heat, hot water, cable, or internet for more than 20 hours which was pretty much the worst thing to ever happen since the holocaust. my lack of sleep and absurd work load hasn’t helped my situation much either. therefore, i shall be spending my night watching old episodes of dexter and no reservations while eating a calzone. it’s lounge o’clock son!

WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK WEEDS?

i know i'm a day late on this one but seriously...

WHAT THE  SHIT JUST HAPPENED!!???

my life cycle

become so stressed out about my life that i start screaming at people for no reason, binge drink until i make a terrible decision, have a hangover induced epiphany that i have to change my life, realize that i am too baller to change.

so long beautiful

my week has been filled with finales and premieres and let me tell you, did not one disappoint. but for now we are going to focus on the goodbyes i had to say this weekend.

i must start with my one and only. the one that i have loved most dearly for the past eight years; entourage. my relationship with entourage has been like most long term relationships, you want to ripe their face off at times but they are the one you want taking care of you when you are sick or sitting with you when you are just bored as fuck. i remember i was on vacation with my family in aruba when i snuck up to my hotel room while everyone was still enjoying the salty sea breeze or some shit and watched the series premiere. i wasn't allowed to watch hbo at the ripe old age of 12 so i had to sneak into my half-finished basement to watch it every sunday night for three years or my mom would have cut my balls off. but, like all unhealthy relationships, ours too had to end. they made me laugh for eight years but now that it's all over all i can think about is how mrs. ari's name is melissa and how perfectly it fits.

true blood is a whole different fucking story. they have been mind fucking me left and right for four years now and even though i have read the books (refrain from commenting on my nerdiness if you value your life) and know that sookie kills debbie. i can not fucking believe they could possibly even think about killing off my main bitch tara. alan ball and i need to have a serious chat.

i just don't like change you guys

so my family has been calling me out for being a novice hoarder ever since i was ten and asked if i could put our old refrigerator in my room when we got a new one. i still think that would have been awesome because i would have then been able to enjoy ice cold beverages in the comfort of my own room. but, we are getting off topic.

my family had a huge yard sale last weekend and when i found out they were planning on selling my childhood bed frame i freaked the fuck out. like, i'm talking full on mental breakdown. i always thought that i would have that furniture and even though it seems stupid i was sad to see it go. i don't like change or letting go but i'm starting to learn that it might be a big part of growing up/a pair.

but after they couldn't even pay someone to take it i decided that i was right and i'm never letting go of that bed. ever.

where is her people stylewatch cover?

like, seriously this is something i wish for every month and my heart keeps getting broken. i want to be best of friends with dakota just so i can go through everything he owns and steal about 90% of it. guys, all i want is to be wearing what she is wearing all the time! am i asking for too much?!

i wish i could pull off disco pants

for those of you who don't know who alexis krauss is i don't care to know who you are because you are clearly the fucking worst. however, i will not allow you to be culturally ignorant any longer. alexis krauss is the lead (and only) singer of the mind blowing-ly loud guitar riff duo, sleigh bells. i strive to be the coolest human being alive and i usually am but not when it comes to pulling off disco pants. every single time i think that i'm being stupid and can of course wear them while looking fly as fuck, i think about who my guy friends are. they are the type who do not hesitate to ask me where the bottom half of my shirt went when i wear crop tops or ask if i was attacked by bears on the way to the party when i wear my shredded jeans. therefore, i can only fucking imagine the field day they would have if they saw me wearing disco pants. thus ends my heartbreaking tale of love and disco pants.

because you never know when you might accidentally murder someone

guys! i saw the coolest/cutest kid today at work. he wore chucks and said things like "your shirt is fly." like, honestly i was about two shakes of a lambs tail away from stealing him from his parents. this is a big deal for me because i strongly dislike children. what most people don't know though is that at the root of my hatred is a very real fear that i'm going to accidentally kill one of them. i don't mean this in a "i'm going to lose my temper and press on their soft spot" type way. i mean it in the "i'm afraid i'm going to be standing behind one of them on the T landing, slip on a puddle of some homeless guy's piss, have my legs go out from under me and as i fall i kick it on the back of the head and send it flying onto the T tracks" way. i'm aware that this will probably NEVER FUCKING HAPPEN. but, i also never thought i would see michael jordan while on vacation in aruba. moral of the story is you never know what might happen so STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM KIDS and that kid was fucking cute.